|Dentist:||*stabs you in your chest*|
|Dentist:||You're bleeding because you don't floss.|
|*Wakes up in the middle of the night*|
|Me:||Please don't be 6am|
|Me:||MERRY FUCKING CHRISTMAS TO ME!|
|*Shoves face back into pillow*|
Just started watching Happy Endings. Wish me luck. Already in love with the gay guy.
For as much as they tell you about Stop Drop and Roll as a kid, I really expected to be on fire more times in my life.
I can’t have sex so I’m having carbs instead.
this is why America is fat.